Normal: A postmortem

I love celebrating New Year’s. Who wouldn’t? This puts me in the same category as everybody else.

I hate celebrating my birthday. This puts me in the category of borderline nutcases.

Is that okay? Is that normal?

We spend our lives contemplating about ourselves vis-vis a perceived normal behavior. 

I am having weird dreams about falling off a cliff lately, is that normal?

I don’t like going to noisy parties like my friends do. Is that normal?

We can find all sorts of such questions on various forums. TV shows offering relationship advice, newspaper “Ask the expert” columns, Quora, chat rooms and what not.

Many times not just ourselves; we don’t spare anyone at all. 

Uncle so and so sold off everything he had and went on a world tour, normal people don’t do that.

That guy is in a committed relationship and is flirting with somebody else while his girlfriend looks on, is that a normal relationship?

Shahid Kapoor married a college kid! Is that a normal thing to do for a film star? 

Don’t we? What does normal even mean? According to Merriam-Webster, in the context of this discussion, normal could mean the following:

1. according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle; conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern
2. occurring naturally
3. of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development; free from mental disorder :  sane

In other words, not abnormal. Not insane. Or, average. In a mathematical sense, something that fits the bell curve:

If you do something which more than 68% of the people in the world do, then it’s normal or conformant or standard or regular. Otherwise not.

Most of the people don't rob a bank. That’s normal. I guess it is okay to fit the bell curve here.

Most of the people don’t exercise regularly. That’s normal. But it is not really okay to fit this bell curve.

Would you go on making imaginary bell curves for everything under the sun? Now, is that  normal?! What kind of normal is acceptable?

But you know what, the real question here is: do you even want to be the same as 68% people? The answer is: no; and yes. It’s not about being a conformist or a non-conformist. If the majority of people on the world can swim, even a staunch non-conformist would want to be in the majority. Simply because it’s a good skill to possess.  Same for a conformist wanting to do something different, such as deciding to keep the car in the right lane, or following traffic rules!

  
So, in a nutshell, it’s okay to be a nutcase sometimes. It is also all right if you follow the rules. After all, life is too short to be spent thinking so much or trying so hard to be normal. In fact, lets just scratch this word from our vocabulary. 

My Toastmaster's speech 4 - "The Philosophy of my Life"

Its called "How to say it" and major focus is on use of rhetorical devices in the speech.

I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

Good Afternoon friends. No, that wasn’t my new years’ resolution. The oath that I just quoted is the philosophy of life of one of my best loved fictional characters, John Galt from one of my favorite books, Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. And like John Galt, I too have a philosophy or a moral code of conduct for life. And that is the topic of my speech today - my philosophy of life. Don’t worry; I am not going to start preaching some shri shri shri 1008 baba xyzee’s mantra of life. You might also doubt that being a twenty something, isn’t it too early to try and find out and talk about philosophy of life?? Well, to that my answer is - maybe. Maybe after 20 years if I come across this speech I would find it stupid or childish - or maybe not. Because every person having a thought process of his own has to have some basic principles to abide by, which may have taken shape in his childhood and which he may not be aware of.

In my case, as a child, I loved to listen to bed time stories from my parents or grandparents. And I have to tell you, my grandma is a tremendous story teller - almost as good as a script narrator. There was this one story she used to tell which I liked a lot and now it has somehow become my strongest belief or the basis of my belief system. The story goes like this -

Once upon a time long long ago there was a big village - the usual Indian village with lots of greenery, wells with pulleys, bullock carts, people in colorful clothes, a pond, a temple of lord Shiva at the center and a severely strict stinking rich dictator kind of a king. One day, the king decided to offer his prayers in the Shiva temple by pouring milk on the idol, that is, doing an “abhishek” of milk. It is so believed that if the lord is sated with the offerings, then the milk starts overflowing and it means that your prayers have been accepted and you will be rewarded accordingly. Now lord Shiva being the sternest of Gods according to Hindu mythology, to please him is not a piece of cake, rather a carton of milk in this case. So the king thought they would need all the milk in the village and he ordered everyone having a cow to deposit its milk with the king’s men early in the morning. To each villager, the king’s order was paramount so they followed meekly and sacrificed their tea and their children’s quota of milk. But an old lady was adamant and did not heed to any of the soldier’s threats and did not give up her share. The soldiers thought what difference a liter or two of milk would make and left her with mere warnings. And then the “abhishek” of lord Shiva began. Whole of the village was gathered at the temple except of course our heroine, the old lady. The soldiers kept on bringing gallons and gallons of milk and the pundits kept on pouring it, but the lord was not sated. Eventually all the milk was exhausted so the king arranged for more milk from the neighboring villages and himself poured it - but still it didn’t overflow. Everyone stared thinking there must be some ghastly mistake that the king has committed and now will have to pay for it. Meanwhile, the old lady did all her housework, fed her children and then came to the temple with a small cup of leftover milk. All the villagers saw her with that small cup and laughed at her innocence. The king let her pass because he was desolate and clueless as to what would he do now that his plan had backfired. So our lady went in unhindered and poured her cup of milk on the idol - and lo and behold! It overflowed! The lord was sated! The prayers would now be answered! All because of the one lady who realized that it is important to be a human being and fulfill your responsibilities first - that’s what is moral and that’s what is honored - even by the Gods, that’s if they exist.

So this is the philosophy and guiding principle of my life. Part of this philosophy also comes from Ayn Rand - the author I quoted in the beginning and her theory of objectivism, which says rational self interest is the highest virtue.

To sum it all up, my code is to live, not merely exist, to defy rules that you cannot justify even if the king is issuing orders, to take care of yourself and your loved ones first, to think, to rationally evaluate any situation before jumping to conclusions, to listen to your conscience, to appreciate a thing of beauty, to follow your heart’s desires, to love and be loved, to make great friends who don’t mind being your punching bags at times, to be honest to yourself no matter what; and finally, to be able to look in the mirror eye to eye and say with full confidence - yes, that’s me and I am proud to be myself.

This speech took 7 minutues and was generally appreciated.

Poem : पर्वत से बातचीत

This is my only attempt in life for poem writing. (Read it to discover why I did not try any further :) ). I wrote it in my 8th standard as part of an assignment for a poem called नदी से बातचीत (yeah....you got it right, nothing original about the idea)

कल सांझ को जब मैंने अटल अचल पर्वत को देखा,
तब यूँ ही मैंने उससे पुछा,
"मित्र, तुम तो बड़े भाग्यवान हो,
यूँ अटल हो रह में खड़े हो,
इस धरा का गौरव हो,
हम मानवों को भी सफलता की कून्ज्जी बता दो,
हमारे जीवन को फूलों से भर दो"
यह सुनकर अपनी दृढ़ वाणी में,वह सरोष कहने लगा,
"हे बंधू! क्यूँ तुम इस तरह के प्रश्न पूछते हो?
यूँ ही मुझसे होड़ बांधते हो
यदि तुम्हे तुम्हारा उत्तर चाहिए,
तो एक कड़वी सच्चाई को तुम्हे निगलना होगा
फ़िर भी सुनो,ज़रा अपने अंतर्मन से पूछो,
क्या तुमने स्वयं को कृत्रिम दीवारों में कैद कर नही रखा?
तुम प्रकृति के आशीष को लेने से कतराते हो,
आंधी तूफानों को झेलने से घबराते हो
यदि आज मुझे देखकर तुम्हारा मन लालायित हुआ है,
तो कृत्रिम दीवारे तोड़ो,
धरती को अपना घर समझो, अम्बर को छत मानो
दृढ़ निश्चय करके मैदान में डटे रहो
जीना है तो स्वयं के लिए नही,दूसरो के लिए जीयो
मित्र! सफलता की रह तो है कांटो की, इसमे फूल तुम न ढूंढो
कांटो को सहो, पत्थरो को झेलो,
कभी न रुको, कभी न झुको, बस चलते चले जाओ
यदि सचमुच तुम्हे महान बनना है,तो दूसरो को क्षुद्र न समझो
यह सब करने पर ही तुम्हे सफलता मिलेगी,
और इस तरह के प्रश्न पूछने की ज़रूरत न पड़ेगी|"

Nothing is absolute

When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity. (an explanation of relativity which Albert Einstein gave to his secretary Helen Dukas to convey to non-scientists and reporters)

Theory of relativity applies everywhere. Not only in the laws of physics, but every damn thing is the world is relative..the grass is greener at the other side; success does not count unless one is more successful than one's neighbor; happiness and sorrow are also measured by comparison...its always about being fastER, highER, strongER - better - better than the best - bester than the bestest - its limitless.

Even morals can be relative. Dr Isaac Asimov once said (and i agree to it) - "Never let your sense of morals stop you from doing what is right" - so if one wants to do what (s)he thinks is right, then relative to the situation ethics change. Honesty is the best policy - but is it? is it always correct to be honest whatever the circumstances be? doesnt dishonesty become the best policy at times? We say the Sun rises from the east - but does it? Isnt it the earth that rotates from west to east? A mother gives birth to a child - but wait - isnt it a child that gives birth to a mother? Theft is immoral - but is it really? even when Robin Hood is the thief?

Perspectives matter. Opinions matter. Situations matter. Justifications matter. Contradictions do not exist - but are there some exceptions here as well??? ;)